If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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