It's like a parade of train wrecks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
