alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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