She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
