I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
