wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
