Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
