ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
