She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
