I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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