I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
