My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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