We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
