dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He passed out mid-signature
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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