A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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