im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
