I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
