Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
