I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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