i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
