there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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