just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
