that's an acceptable place to lick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
