No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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