Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
