Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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