I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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