Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize