I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
