just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
