Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
