So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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