i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
