dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
