Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
