i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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