what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
