Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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