Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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