dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
