1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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