oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
