That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize