At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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