We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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