so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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