You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
