oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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