U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize