nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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