So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
