quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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