You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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