I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She's JV to your varsity
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
