On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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