Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
