Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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