Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
