Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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