Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
