who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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