Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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