No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
