I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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