Who wears a wallet chain?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
