Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize