Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
