3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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