Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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