There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
