if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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