I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
