were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
