She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
