the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize