We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
