Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize