I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
