I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
