It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
