I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
