next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
