1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
