What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize