Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize