Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
