How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize