Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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