i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize