Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
