the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
