Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize