I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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