Dual....:-)
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
