I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
