I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it's like iHOP with fire
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
