Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
