I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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