i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize