dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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