Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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