so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
