i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
