I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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