it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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