see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
